Roman Svechkorenko: “In relationships, what matters is the ability to hear and the ability to understand.

Actor, blogger and psychologist: Roman Svechkorenko talks in his insta-blog about how girls understand guys. The novel will help to deal with any situation with which, it would seem, there is no way out! The editors of Woman talked to the hero and learned a lot of interesting things about the psychology of relationships, the secret of success, the TV series “Kiev day and night” and music lessons on the piano.

You have a useful insta-blog about relationship psychology, where you give smart advice. How did you come to this?

Came to this very accidentally. I worked for a year with a psychologist, it had to do with acting. In short, to become an actor you have to become a different person, to become a different person you have to understand their problems, then you can take over the way you talk, the reticence, the insecurities that everyone has, etc. This is all expressed in our verbal and non-verbal actions, so it is only in this way, when one understands another person’s problem, that one can approach that person and try to recreate him or her. Over the course of a year I worked with this psychologist: learning, learning. And after working on my own, I realized that I like it and I’m good at it.
If we talk about how I became a blogger, when I already had the so-called ability to understand people, which I continued to develop, came the idea to develop Instagram. At that time I already had blogger friends, and on my Instagram I wrote motivational quotes that no one needed. I realized that this needed to change, was inspired by a few other bloggers and so, little by little, I began to write specifically approaching that I would help girls understand men. Although to say that I understand men specifically – no, I understand both men and women, I just had to choose a topic and I chose it that way: “How Girls Understand Guys.”

What’s your message to people?

The main message is for people to create relationships that are comfortable for themselves. In order for a person to create a good and comfortable relationship, he needs to understand the person, and in this case his partner. For this you need to study psychology or read my advice. I can’t call myself an educator, I don’t consider myself one. I don’t tell people, “So guys, do this and that, and you’ll get high,” that’s not going to happen! I always say, “Guys, you have to analyze, you have to hear, and you have to understand. That’s my main message: for people to try to understand other people, and then it doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, a relative, a loved one or just a stranger.

You write about relationships. But do you have breakdowns in your family, and how do you find compromise?

There are, of course. We quarrel like every normal and normal family, we even go beyond the norm, for the reason that both my wife Ilona and I are very impulsive, we are both leaders in character. This makes it very difficult for us to resolve issues, difficult to compromise, difficult to concede. But because of love for each other, it all works out. In fact, there are always quarrels, they don’t end and there are always new questions to each other, which we try to solve. We also talk to each other and try not to accumulate negativity. If a question comes up, we immediately solve it, even if it is unpleasant for someone, although we both try not to. Over time, in 10 years of living together we have learned to control our anger and we try not to let it control us. It is better to have quarrels than when people close themselves off from each other, then go and cheat, find others, fall in love, as they think in more comfortable people, but in fact the problem turns out to be not in the partner, but in themselves.

What do you think should be present in a healthy relationship of a couple in love?

The desire to hear each other, and the ability to understand it. In fact, going back to the message, one always says what one lives by and what one thinks about. We do not know how to listen, in most cases we only hear ourselves, what worries and what bothers us. When people get to the point where they can hear more than just themselves, it becomes easier for them to understand other people. And finally, they can communicate properly with the people they love, in their language of thought.

That’s why I say what’s important in a relationship is the ability to hear and the ability to understand.

You have a beautiful daughter, Mia. How do you spend your free time with her? What does she like to do?

I work very hard, so I try to make up for my lack of attention to her with a good daycare. We have Mia in a private kindergarten, and now she is going to be prepared for school, and she has a tutor there. I don’t have that much time to do her properly. Time is so fleeting now, you don’t have time for anything. I understand that she was just recently born, and now she will be 5 years old in August. It’s a shock to me, wanting sometimes to stop time, and somehow give more attention to this or that period of her life. Even so, we have an arrangement with Ilona (wife – ed.), as to when we spend time. We always have romantic dinners on the weekend, Saturday or Sunday. We have dinner together, Ilona lights the candles, making the atmosphere, and Mia helps her. Also, we try to go out on the weekends, so I spend time with Mia and with Ilona. But even so, I still continue to work, even on weekends. On weekdays, when we are at home and Mia comes to me, I still give her time. I put my phone or laptop away, do what she asks, play, answer her questions, and so on.

As for what she likes, she is a very energetic child and like all children is curious. She loves to draw, dance, loves to sing – she is a creative person. I realize now that this is my story, I also loved anything more creative. But I’m sure that you have to give her and the exact sciences, which she will not be given easily, although I could be wrong. Time will tell. Now she’s already showing that she doesn’t like this and she likes that. Naturally, what she doesn’t like, she does reluctantly, but of course she does anyway, her father and mother have authority. I would like her not only to be creative, but also to have an analytical mind, because in this way she can become a full-fledged personality and a strong person.

Roman, not only do you star in commercials, but you also play an actor. Is this a hobby of yours?

In fact, before I started my blogging activities, it was not a hobby, it was my full-time income, because you can make good money from advertising and filming, in all kinds of projects. Basically, this is how I lived for a long period of time. Now the time has come when I objectively understand that I will earn more if I do blogging and develop as a psychologist. But there is a good offer, if it pays well, then I agree to shoot and now.

If we talk specifically about my hobby, it’s sports. I’ve been involved in sports all my life, as a kid and as a teenager. The gym, boxing – it goes on throughout my life, which I get a high from and I take it as a hobby. It’s something that doesn’t make me money, but something that I enjoy!

You had the opportunity to play a role in the popular TV series “Kiev Day and Night. Were you recommended or auditioned?

Casting, of course. They called me many times, but I didn’t agree. On the fourth time I got a call and was offered a normal role. I consulted with my friend Bogdan (Bogdan Sheludyak – the hero of the TV series “Kiev Day and Night” – editor’s note) about this, because he’s been through it all. Bogdan said: “Go, you have nothing to lose. I came to the casting, I was given a task, I fulfilled it. Then they called and we agreed on a fee.

Do you keep in touch with the actors? With whom?

Bogdan and I communicated and were friends before we were filmed in the KDN and we are friends now. Now I communicate with Rita, Vika Maremukha, Sasha Ozolin, Max Sosnovsky and others.

Last year the world saw you starring in Tatiana Kotova’s “Adios” music video. Do you have plans to star not only in short videos, but also in music videos?

I’m considering any offers of cooperation.

Basically, the acting life is very interesting, it’s very cool and it’s very intense, which I like. When I am offered something new, I try to look objectively at this or that kind of earnings, so I consider all offers. In terms of other music videos, I just recently starred in a Melovin music video that hasn’t been released yet. I also played the main character, but in this case it’s probably the anti-hero, since Melovin himself played the main character. I think the music video will come out in the very near future and we’ll all watch it. By the way, Tatiana Kotova and Melovin’s music video was shot by the same director – Taras Golubkov and video production “Inakshe Studio” – these are the guys I feel very comfortable working with. I’ve been doing commercials, music videos and so on for 11 years now. Now I constantly meet people I know and friends at the site, and it’s like coming home. There are different productions, different directors, but there is a list of people I can already call my friends – Taras Golubkov, Sasha and Zhenya Litvinenko and others.

What do you think,

life style

today is body positivity or healthy lifestyle + gym?

I’m against people using trendy names for the benefit of their laziness. Let’s be honest, for the most part overweight people are people who didn’t force themselves at some point in their lives and went to the gym without overpowering themselves not to eat this cake. I am against laziness, in all forms. I’m the same kind of person, I’m also gaining weight in my soon to be 29 years of age. But I purposely go to the gym to keep track of it all, limit myself to something so I can continue to live a comfortable life, and live a healthy life. People often find excuses for themselves: in this sense, I do not support body positivity. But if we’re talking about people who can’t change of their own free will, and they have, for example, hormonal problems, of course they can’t control it, then body positivity is a cool and useful thing, and it at least somehow gives you an opportunity to work with your insecurities.

In general, I’m all for “a healthy lifestyle, a gym, and working on myself. Anyway, that’s what I would like. If you take my instagram, often people who have relationship problems are insecure. And the insecurity we have because of our appearance, our unfulfillment, and all the things that, in principle, people can change more often than not. I understood this not only when I studied and study psychology, but also by comparing it with myself. There are moments that I found in myself, they made me uncomfortable, I changed them and accepted them. I had my teeth aligned, I was walking around with braces, I was very thin, I couldn’t gain weight. Of course, I can’t say that I’m a jock now, but I’m in pretty good shape, as for a man of 29. I did all this against my wishes. I was changing for the benefit of being more comfortable in society. People write to me who also suffer because of this, not understanding that they need to go to the gym, they need to lose weight, they can’t depend on their man, and so on. It’s like a vicious circle that people get into and can’t get out of. When people get caught and can’t get out of it. When people get into the so-called comfort zone, which is not really their comfort zone, they begin to suffer, not knowing what to do about it. It’s a huge lump that needs to be untangled a little at a time.

Also, in your Instagram, you mentioned that you have a pedagogical education, which you received at Grinchenko University.

Yes, my first higher education is pedagogical. I am a music teacher by profession. Now I’m studying for my second degree, I’m also going to be a psychologist. It all started with the fact that in 7th grade I went to music school. (When I came to boxing, people were surprised that I did music school, and when I came to piano, they were surprised that I did boxing, and my hands were all broken). Taking piano lessons, I went through the entire nine-year program in six years. When it came time to enroll, other than playing the piano, which I had perfect, I didn’t know how to do anything. I knew I wouldn’t get in.

Since I was not an excellent student at school, and the ability to pay my parents to get me into a good university, too, was not. I randomly chose a university with a musical focus, Grinchenko University. I passed all the music exams perfectly, which is why I passed. He graduated from university, but he never became a teacher.

Are there any areas in which you would like to realize yourself?

It’s politics. Politics is an opportunity to influence and change people’s lives for the better. I would like to go into politics for the reason that there is an opportunity to improve the institutions of the family, to fight violence and all the problems of our country, which I love very much. Only by being in power, in the literal sense of the word, can you somehow steer the state, the country, and the vast masses of people in the right direction. For example, like when you’re an opinion leader on Instagram, you have an audience of 2 million – it’s actually very close, only the politics are bigger. You can change people, you can train people, and it’s all at the expense of government capacity.

What is the greatest achievement of your life?

I can say with confidence that this is the birth of Mia. With her birth I began to appreciate the whole world differently in terms of importance and discovered a kind of boundless love for man that I had never had before. Of course, I love my wife very much, and for the first three years it was even inadequate love. But I can’t even put into words what an inadequate love I have for Mia, I can tell you that she is very strong. So, the biggest achievement is not that Mia was born, it’s not my achievement by and large, it’s my wife’s achievement! For me, the accomplishment is that I became the father of this beautiful man.

Roman Svechkorenko in 10 years.

Minister of Youth and Sports of Ukraine.

Top 5: What is success?

Understanding people – self-confidence – purposefulness – peacefulness – persistence.

You read a lot about self-development. What books would you recommend to our Woman readers?

“The 7 Skills of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey;

“48 Laws of Power.” Robert Green;

“You Know Nothing About Men” by Steve Harvey;

“The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb;

“The Power of Confidence by Brian Tracy.

Victoria Golovach