TamerlanAlena: «Our first date happened on Valentine’s Day»

February is called the month of love for a reason, when you should take a risk and open up to a loved one, to ask him on a date or make a surprise. And Valentine’s Day is another great reason to talk about a great feeling: love.

Symbolically, that digital-This month’s cover is graced by the star couple TamerlanAlena, whose story began with a date on February 14 in a small pizzeria.

We talked to the artists about family values, jealousy and conflict, parenting, as well as trends in cosmetology and the new generation who do not seek formal marriage.

Family to you is…

Alena: That’s it. This is the key to success, inner strength and support. Family is something I can’t imagine my life without, it’s a part of me. I was lucky to be born into a beautiful, close-knit family where everyone stands up for each other. To this day I have a wonderful, truly friendly relationship with my parents. I project this model onto my family as well.

Family is something I can’t imagine my life without, it’s a part of me

Tamerlan: For me, the family is the foundation, the foundation and the launching pad for all endeavors, a reliable rear. I can safely say that without my family, I would not be what I am now, because we even have a family business. When I made the decision to tie my life to Alyona, I thus built my further life path. I can’t imagine my existence without Alena and Tima, they’re a part of me(Timur is TamerlanAlena’s son).

What are the most difficult stages you’ve lived through in building a relationship? How do you resolve conflicts with each other?

Alena: The most difficult period lived in the first years of our relationship: the struggle for dominance in the family and the eternal question “who’s the boss in the house? The period of distribution of responsibilities, who is responsible for what in domestic matters.

Fortunately, we settled down in time and learned to find compromises. We have come a long way and learned to understand each other over the life of our family and duo. It’s easier to develop together, we feel constant support and motivation from each other. I guess it’s love that helps us.

Tamerlan: Difficult stages periodically appear in our life path, and we work through them so that in the future we do not make similar mistakes. The main thing is to have a joint desire to solve problems and move on, then everything will be fine.

It is important to learn to keep a balance in everything, to support and help, to go hand in hand. We are two separate individuals with our own thoughts, our own goals. We try to support the ideas and decisions of each of us, but not to pressure, not to control. So many years together, but we never stop admiring each other, it’s inspiring.

We are two separate individuals with our own thoughts, goals

Is jealousy in a relationship about love or distrust?

Alena: Jealousy in a relationship is the fear of losing the other person and probably comes from insecurity. We are both jealous, but it comes more from a sense of ownership and comes in a dosed form. Just to add fire to the relationship, but not to burn it down. It’s not for nothing that in one of our songs we sing “You’re only mine”(laughs – ed.).

At the beginning of the relationship, we used to go crazy with jealousy and make scenes with each other. Over the years this has passed, and now we can even laugh about it.

Tamerlan: It’s probably about complexes and distrust. Naturally, when you are 100% confident in a person and in yourself, you should have no doubts or reasons to be jealous. When you fall in love with someone, you try to spend as much time with them as possible. The role of jealousy in this should be minimal. It should be present in the relationship for the sake of preserving that very spark and passion, but within reason.

Do you believe in horoscopes? Have you had your compatibility calculated?

Alyona: I only partly believe it; I divide what I have written by two. Sometimes I can read my own and Tamerlane’s horoscope for interest. There are similarities, but blindly believing the stars is not about me. I never calculated our compatibility. Apparently, it is high enough, if we go through life shoulder to shoulder for so many years.

Tamerlan: I am not a supporter of blind faith in horoscopes. I adhere to the theory that our character is shaped by our parents, who put certain knowledge and rules of life, by our environment and the people we grow up with.  Horoscopes are sometimes interesting to read, but so much of what is written has nothing to do with real life. As for our compatibility, there can be no question. I think if you calculate it, it will be a 100% hit (laughs – ed.).

Do you think you took a lot from your parents in raising your child?

Tamerlan: That’s quite a complicated question. I think we got the basics of parenting from our parents. What we think is right and acceptable we incorporate into our son’s upbringing. We try to analyze the flaws in the educational process made by my and Alena’s parents, and we don’t make the same mistakes anymore. After all, as time goes on, the tools and norms of parenting change.

Alena: The most important thing for me has always been to maintain a close relationship with my parents, but also to respect them, their opinions and care. I translate this in my family as well.

That said, there are always boundaries. The child must understand that if parents say “you can’t,” it means “you can’t” and nothing else.  Discipline is important, it is also important to give the right of choice at an early age. When the son is a little older, he will be able to distinguish between what is good and what is bad.

I try to instill in my son the same awe and love for family that my sister and I had for our parents. I want unity to always prevail, because family is the most important thing in our lives.

Have you had bad mother/father syndrome because of your busy career?

Alyona: There was a little bad mother syndrome at first, when Timka was very young. Sometimes I was forced to leave, and even if it was only for half an hour, I felt very bad and cried all the time. I think it was also due to my hormonal state and a very strong bond with my son. I kept thinking in my head that I was leaving my little angel behind. Now I realize that being with a child 24/7 is not good for me or for Tima. The priority here should be quality, not quantity.

Being with a child 24/7 is not good for me or for Tima.

Tamerlan: At first this syndrome visits every young parent. It’s okay, you’re trying to be better. Especially when it’s your first child, and you were your parents’ only child, too. With time comes an understanding of how to share one’s status with working moments. When I have free time, I always try to give it to my son, to take him to school or to practice. At all important events, matches, school concerts, I am always with the little one, at such moments no work is out of the question.

Alyona: The same pandemic put everything in its place. It’s very cool that a lot of people were able to benefit from this situation: they began to spend more time with their families and learned to make time for themselves. I think that this is a minimal, but still a plus. Everyone was running in a perpetual race and was finally able to slow down, learning to live in the moment.

To achieve what you want, you have to understand your true desires and needs. How do you do that?

Alyona: It is important to remember your childhood, what you dreamed to be. For it was then that we knew how to believe and dream for real, without fear. Analyze your life and understand what you get the most out of. I believe that everyone is capable of finding a life’s work to enjoy.

You have to develop in many ways to discover new opportunities. That includes traveling, reading books, and watching educational lectures. That way, you’ll see how incredible, different, and fascinating life can be.

Tamerlan: Now everything is so accessible that without leaving home you can read educational literature, watch developmental videos on YouTube. I, for example, watch a lot of interviews with businessmen, entrepreneurs, personalities who have built themselves. In the past there was no such abundance of opportunities, people did everything according to their own feeling, by trial and error. Created an environment around themselves that strives for success. There’s a big flow of information now, which it’s also important to filter. It’s worth finding an accessible speaker and a model of behavior for doing business. Finding answers to the questions you have.

Women in the modern world have become multifunctional: they work on a par with men, are socially active, and have time to take care of their children and themselves. How do you find a balance between everything?

Alyona: It’s important to set the right priorities and not try to carry everything on your own. As a woman, I really like to take care of myself. Going for a manicure, a massage, to the cosmetologist – all these things relax me and make me feel more confident. I make sure to set aside a few days a month for such procedures, turn off the phone and devote this time only to myself. It is important to learn how to completely relax and abstract from everything, only in this way you will be able to fill and relax. And if you’re going to lie on a massage and solve work issues at the same time, forget about recovery and resource state.

For me, the ideal formula is to give 100% to work and family and also to rest 100%. It is important for a woman to be in harmony with herself and always be positive, so we attract the same people to us.

It is important for a woman to stay in harmony with herself

I have a clear division between work and personal time: during the day I solve all the issues, and in the evening completely devote himself to his family. We make sure we have dinner together and during the meal we share all the events of the day and support each other. We always spend our weekends together with Tima and Tamerlan – we go to the movies, go on a picnic, or play educational games.

How do you feel about such activity on the part of women?

Tamerlan: I have a great attitude towards this and with both hands is for a woman to be active, to be in motion. Work should be enjoyable and satisfying, especially when you have a family. It is, after all, monetary energy that energizes us. No matter how successful a man is, it is important for a woman to exchange energy, because if it is stored inside her, it begins to emotionally stifle. We live in a time when every year everything rushes faster and faster, everyone arranges his own race, which joins those around him. In this rhythm, it’s important to catch your wave and enjoy the process.

No matter how successful a man is, it is important for a woman to exchange energy

What role do men who are around women play in accepting themselves?

Alyona: A man clearly inspires a woman and is also inspired by her, it is also an exchange of energy. I always talk about loving yourself, accepting yourself, and then a man will do the best for you.

Beauty standards have changed in recent years. What is it for you?

Alyona: Every year I like more and more natural. In fact, I went back to my native hair color and I think I even looked younger. I’m increasingly going for natural makeup, and on weekdays you can see me without any makeup at all.

Fashion always dictates its standards, but it is not constant. It changes, it rotates in a circle. Today we’re getting our eyebrows tattooed, and tomorrow we’re going to have them removed. I am an advocate of girls emphasizing their facial features and figure, but in no way chasing the “beauty ideal. Each of us is an individual – that’s what’s important to keep in ourselves.

How do you feel about the fact that men are increasingly visiting cosmetologists, getting Botox, manicures and other procedures?

Tamerlan: In my environment it was somehow shameful before. Moreover, I have been involved in sports all my life and grew up in circles where Botox was out of the question. Such words as “manicure,” “cosmetic procedures,” and “cosmetologist” were never used at all. It was like something foreign and distant. Things are changing now. I know that many of my friends visit cosmetologists, get manicures and other cosmetic procedures. I’m managing on my own for now, then we’ll see how it goes.

Do you arrange romantic dates? Tell us about the most unusual one.

Alyona: I like to spoil Tamerlan with romantic evenings – a delicious candlelit dinner and music in the background. Where would you go without it? We love to reminisce about the beginnings of our relationship, some funny moments. By the way, our first date happened on Valentine’s Day in a pizzeria (laughs – ed.). Our friends say that this special date brought a kind of magic to the birth of our relationship, strengthened it.

Tamerlan: Yes, we have “our own” little pizza place, where we started our relationship. When we first formed our duo, we were always stopping by and discussing our plans. First it was creative plans, and then it was family plans.

Now the younger generation does not seek formal marriage, more often choosing civil marriage, or even postponing a serious relationship for a more conscious age. What do you think of this trend?

Alyona: I’ve never been happy with that trend. A marriage proposal gives a woman not just a stamp in her passport, but a certain kind of confidence in her mate, so she feels secure and understands the seriousness of her intentions. Civil marriage gives you more freedom, which is also good, but it doesn’t give you the firmness of conviction, as far as I’m concerned. When you’re husband and wife, it’s something more –  responsibility, support and rear.

Tamerlan: I take the word “marriage” to mean the marital union between a man and a woman. At some point it was devalued, and going to the registry office was equated with going to the store. I clearly believe that it’s important to approach this issue head on, it’s definitely not an emotional act. It may take some time to make such a serious decision. It may be worthwhile to live together, to face the first difficulties. This, by the way, is not unimportant, because life is winding, not always everything will go uphill, there are also falls. In the process of rapprochement we take off all our masks and reveal our true face. In that moment, you realize how close you are to a person who is completely open to you in terms of emotional commitment.

At some point it was devalued, and going to the registry office was equated with going to the store

Alyona: I’m all for treating these things fundamentally. Marriage, as I understand it, is like a foundation: it must always be strong, so that you can build not a two-story house, but a high-rise. It requires a good foundation for years that will hold up the structure for decades.

Tamerlan: I think the fact that young people are in no hurry to formalize their relationship is quite normal. People get to know each other and when they realize that this is their person and feelings are real, then they make an important decision for them.

Text: Maria Holotiy

Photo: TamerlanAlena personal archive