Yulia Bortnik: “I want to go beyond studio projects!”
A bright blonde, a happy mother, a wife, and a successful woman – all this is about Yulia Bortnik, the host of the talk show “Ultimatum” on STB. Today Yulia told Woman about her love of travel, raising children and a new stage in her career, and shared the secret of a happy relationship!
Yulia, in the Ultimatum program, you help couples reach a consensus, understand each other and resolve all misunderstandings. But is it worth gluing cracked dishes? Can love be anything but friendship, respect and mutual understanding? Shouldn’t everything go smoothly in a relationship where there is love, like in the best novels?
In my opinion, it is in the best novels that the relationship between the characters is far from smooth. It is the overcoming of obstacles that makes their story deep, real, painfully close, and subsequently so beloved by readers. Because there are problems in relationships, besides butterflies and flowers, and it’s normal! And then, people either solve these problems or leave. And then the question arises – is it worth gluing cracked dishes? My mother-in-law at my husband and I’s wedding said: “Why is there less divorce in our generation? Because in our time, it was customary to fix things rather than throw them away.” And then I thought, what if we stopped treating relationships like a service and started treating them like antique furniture, for example. Then the plan of action in case of damage is clearer and does not look so hopeless (smiles).
Why don’t people let go of a relationship where there are no feelings left? Is it worth it?
There are many reasons for this, but the main one is fear. Fear of changing your life. Fear of starting over. Fear of making the same mistake again. I am convinced that there is no need to be afraid. You also need to be able to leave on time. Otherwise, it turns into poisoning each other’s lives. Because people who live together do not live without feelings. When love passes and respect disappears for some reason, other feelings appear – irritation, anger, disgust, and sometimes even hatred. Therefore, it is very important to understand what exactly keeps you close to a person and, based on this, either fight for your relationship or fight your fear.
The program “Ultimatum” discusses such topics as everyday life, jealousy, cheating, family budget… Should unmarried girls watch it? Will I ever lose the desire to get married?
As a rule, the first unsuccessful marriage discourages marriage, which most often becomes unsuccessful due to the inability to find a way out of existing life situations. In our episodes, we talk about things that no one else teaches us. At school, we are taught everything except what we will devote most of our lives to – relationships, family. The only example we have is the example of the family we grew up in, the example of our parents. And it is not always successful. I really hope that the Ultimatum project will help us learn important things about building relationships and family life that we lack. So unmarried girls should watch it! Forewarned is forearmed (smiles).
How do you feel about stories where people are looking for the perfect person to create the perfect relationship or family? And in general, is it worth chasing far-fetched ideals?
I don’t want to say trite things about how there are no perfect people, so I’ll use the words of a famous philosopher: “True beauty is always flawed.” If you apply this to relationships, real relationships always experience difficulties. This means that they are developing, that people in these relationships are growing up and changing. Let’s talk about the ideal candidate – who is it? I am sure that for you and me, these are completely different people, because we have different requirements. But you can find the perfect partner! Let me tell you the secret of how to do it (smiles).
After my first unsuccessful marriage experience, I started thinking about what my ideal man should look like. I sat down and wrote a list of the qualities he should have and a list of the shortcomings (let’s call them that) that I could never accept. This list was not that long. And having realized this, I realized what was important to me and what I could close my eyes to, forgive and accept. Thanks to this, the number of options for “ideal men” has increased significantly. For example, scattered socks or unopened toothpaste will never be a problem for me. The main thing is to find someone with the right set of flaws for you (smiles).
Is there a secret to a happy relationship?
We are partners in everyday routine, household and other problems,
employees, friends, parents, husband and wife (in the civil sense of the word), but there should be time for just the two of us – when we become man and woman, lovers and no one else! This is one of the secrets of keeping the fire going in a relationship for many years.
Respect each other! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you! This is perhaps the main secret of a long and happy relationship.
You are married for the second time and have been happily married for five years. A great example for women who don’t value themselves just because divorce is a taboo subject for them…
This is what I mentioned above – there is no need to be afraid. After all, women are not afraid of the divorce itself, but of what will happen after it. Often the main argument is “no one will need me with my children” or “we will live for the sake of the children, so as not to traumatize them.” This is utopia! Everyone suffers, and children are the most affected! They would rather see balanced, peacefully communicating, happy, but separated parents than tormented parents under the same roof.
I am by no means calling for all women to divorce, I am saying that relationships are not a duty, a heavy burden or a forced necessity. It is a desire, a voluntary choice to be with a person with whom you feel good! I have an acquaintance who says: “You have to get married as many times as you want until you feel really happy” (smiles). By the way, she is now married for the fifth time. I admire her courage and faith in men (smiles).
You recently mentioned that you love it when people give you flowers for no reason. Unfortunately, many Ukrainian women live in the world of outdated stereotypes and still consider flowers to be an attribute of the holiday… What to do about it?
Women think so because men-not all, but many-give flowers only on holidays. It’s like in one of my favorite movies: “It takes a certain kind of…” (the movie Office Romance). As soon as men start giving us flowers for no reason, we will immediately abandon our stereotypes. You get used to good things quickly. But in order not to put all the responsibility on men, I would say that we women need to learn how to make men want to give us flowers.
After reading the comments under your Instagram posts, you realize that many people watch programs with your participation solely out of sympathy for you. So many compliments from both men and women! And it is clear that these people are ready to follow your example… Aren’t you afraid that one day you won’t be able to live up to someone’s expectations?
My secret is that I don’t try to appear better than I really am in order to be liked. I realize that it is impossible to please everyone, and I don’t strive for that. I am the same on screen as I am in real life. I express my position in my own words, experiencing sincere emotions, without thinking about whether they are correct or not. Do you know who cannot be caught in a lie? Someone who doesn’t lie (smiles). This is the principle that I adhere to. I am a real person, making mistakes, not understanding something, having shortcomings. I don’t hide this either. I do not give false hopes.
How do you take criticism? Can a comment on a social network ruin your mood or affect your self-esteem?
I take constructive, correctly expressed criticism well. For myself, I have identified a group of people whose opinion is extremely important to me. I listen to them.
Comments on social media are a separate topic. They definitely can’t affect my self-esteem – not only negative, but also positive. But to spoil the mood – yes. Outright rudeness and things that a person would not be able to say to me when looking me in the eye when we meet are things that I immediately block so as not to waste my time and energy.
I always read the opinions of those who disagree with me, and I often respond, trying to explain my position if my words or actions were misinterpreted. In other cases, I accept the other person’s position, even if it differs from mine. It’s all age (smiles).
Is your image and style entirely your own or do you try to please directors, your husband, and your fans?
What you see on the screen is the work of the project stylist. Of course, I have a say in the matter, and sometimes, if it’s not my place, I intervene. I’ll tell you a secret: the choice of outfits is based not only on appearance, but also on comfort for all technical groups. For sound engineers – so that it doesn’t rustle, it’s convenient to attach a microphone and hide all the wires, for cameramen – so that it doesn’t “stutter”, “burn” or “fall through”, for artists – so that it doesn’t merge with the set, for me – so that I can move comfortably for 5-6 hours and sometimes hide my back corset, and, of course, for the audience – so that they like it and no technical issues spoil the impression. That’s why my stylist should be given a monument in his lifetime!
Even with your job at TV and all that comes with it, you spend a lot of time with your children. Unfortunately, not every modern mother can boast of the same… Is paying a lot of attention to your children a conscious choice?
In fact, I don’t spend as much time with the children as we would like. But it’s not the quantity that matters, it’s the quality. You can be together all day – the child will watch cartoons, and the mother will do her own thing. Or you can spend 20 minutes together, but have time to talk about what’s on your mind, play a game, make a craft, bake cookies together, or just cuddle.
Are Matvey and Sofia already dreaming about their future professions?
Yes. However, their desires change several times a week (smiles). At the moment, Sofia dreams of becoming a green superhero who will save animals, and Matvey dreams of becoming a diplomat to help people from different countries come to an agreement so that there is no war.
What are the main life principles you instill in your children?
Be decent, honest with yourself and others. Don’t make a deal with your conscience.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Never give up. Not to dream, but to set a goal. Always bring what you start to the end. Don’t forget to kiss your mom (smiles).
How important is traveling for you? Where do you dream of visiting next?
I love to travel, and any trip to a new country or city means new impressions and emotions, and as a result, a boost of energy and relaxation. It is important for me to switch. It recharges my battery (smiles). His next planned trip is to Italy. We’re going to fly to my grandmother’s anniversary. She turns 80 this year.
In what field or program would you like to try yourself? Do you have a desire to work on projects that allow you to go beyond the studio?
At this stage, I really want to go beyond studio projects. I want to work in my main specialty and take up acting. Moreover, serial production and cinema are actively developing in our country.
You seem to be a workaholic and a perfectionist… Tell us about your dreams and plans. Or do you prefer goals?
Indeed, I like to set goals and achieve them. Now I am ready for a new stage in my career.
Photo: STB press service